When a parent experiences the loss of a child, every aspect of life can be impacted. Their bodies, identity, relationships, faith, daily functioning, and future can be thrown into chaos.Â
If this is something you’ve gone through, you may be experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, depression, disbelief, or extreme anxiety. But responses to grief can also vary. While some parents may cry all the time, others might shut down and find it hard to feel anything at all. You may even be worried that you are grieving wrong.
But none of these forms of grieving is wrong. Child loss grief looks different for everyone, and there is no timeline for your bereavement.[1]
If your grief becomes unbearable, help is available. There are grief counseling services, grief therapy, bereaved parent support groups, and more resources dedicated to helping you find ways to process your child’s loss without demanding that you stop missing them.
The information below can help you better understand the experience of losing a child by covering:
For many grieving parents, life is split into two phases: before and after.Â
Losing a child doesn’t only make you grieve their death. You may find yourself grieving every milestone you would have celebrated with them, or every day that they don’t show you a small bit of affection.
The experience of grief can feel extremely isolating. After all, losing a child can fundamentally change your relationship with:[2]Â
What’s more, grief can feel unique to every person going through it. Some parents might have a sense of overwhelming sadness. Others may numb themselves or feel disconnected from reality.Â
And some may even question how their child passed away and constantly scour their memory for anything they could have done differently. All of these feelings are normal, especially if a child’s death was unexpected, traumatic, or otherwise sudden.[1][3]
It’s human nature for parents to want to protect their children with every fiber of their being. We expect to guide them through life and watch them grow to adulthood. But when a child dies, the natural order of life is disrupted. Nothing about losing a child makes sense, and it can certainly disrupt how we view ourselves as parents.
Studies have shown that grieving mothers and fathers experience emotional and physical effects that last long after the death of a child. Ranging from depressive symptoms to declines in well-being and daily functioning, parents can be devastated long after their child has passed.[2][3]Â
Additionally, losing a child impacts more than just your emotional health. Your life can be negatively impacted by grieving your child in other ways, including:[1][3]Â
However, these issues do not mean you will never feel happy again. Time and professional support can be very healing.
Losing a child can cause you to question who you are, your family structure, and what your future looks like. Many parents often always consider themselves to be a mother or father to their child, even after they have passed.
From your child’s birthday to finding their favorite dessert in the fridge, you may constantly imagine what types of things they would enjoy now. While some people may see this as unhealthy behavior, continuing to remember your child in this way could help you maintain a connection to them.[1][4]
However, if you have a spouse or other children at home, they may grieve differently from you. Some people might like to speak about the child nonstop, while others may prefer to avoid the topic altogether. As a result, you might feel like your relationships with your partner or other family member are deteriorating when, in reality, you’re simply experiencing grief in different ways.[1][5][6]
While everyone experiences grief differently, most symptoms of grief fall into four different categories:Â
Plus, you might experience symptoms all at once, or they may come and go over time.
Grief symptoms can be triggered by milestones like birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, or family events. Or they can even be set off by simple things, such as seeing another child around the same age as yours.[1][3][4]
Emotional symptoms of losing a child include:[1][3]
Physical symptoms of grief can include:[1][3]
Social symptoms when grieving the loss of a child might include withdrawal from friendship groups or family members. And while these symptoms are normal, any physical or emotional pain that consistently inhibits your daily functioning should be addressed by a professional.Â
It’s important to seek grief counseling or medical support if you feel:[1][3]Â
Your child will likely never stop being a part of your life. Many parents experience waves of grief years after their child has passed. This doesn’t mean that you are not healing or coping. In fact, it likely means that you love your child just as much as you did before they died.
Healing from child loss may just mean that you have learned how to live with grief. Some days might feel manageable. Others may be a constant reminder that your child is gone. This is okay. Grief does not disappear overnight.
However, in some cases, grief can affect daily life to the extent that functioning feels impossible. This can happen when grief becomes prolonged or complicated.Â
When grief causes severe distress that disturbs your daily life for an exceptionally long period of time, it can be diagnosed as complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder.[7][8] Complicated grief has symptoms that last for months and typically do not improve without professional support.
If you feel like your grief is impacting your quality of life and ability to function months or years after your child passed, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.[7][6]
Symptoms of complicated grief may include:[7][8][6]
These symptoms can feel overwhelming, but you are not alone. If you feel like you’re experiencing prolonged grief disorder, contact a professional who can help.Â
Complicated grief after losing a child is not your fault. You don’t have to deal with child loss alone. Grief counseling, therapy, and even residential mental health treatment can help you process your loss safely and gradually.[5][6]
AMFM is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
Yes, grief can cause depression. Or, depression symptoms can occur while grieving after child loss.[1] You may be experiencing depression if you feel:Â
Additionally, if you find yourself experiencing panic attacks, fear that something worse will happen, or feel angry that your child was gone so suddenly, consider speaking with a professional about trauma symptoms.[3][8]
Finally, suicidal thoughts should never be ignored. If you are having suicidal thoughts or think that you may hurt yourself, call emergency services or your local crisis hotline.
Every step forward counts. Some days, coping might mean going to therapy and forcing yourself to go to work. Other days, coping could look like eating one meal out of the day. It may even look like crawling into bed and letting yourself cry.
In other words, there is no wrong way to grieve your child. Healing does not look the same for every parent coping with the loss of a child. However, for many, grief therapy can provide a way forward.
Everyone grieves differently, and some parents may feel scared to talk about their child with those who have not experienced child loss. But other parents who have lost a child could understand your pain. Bereaved parent grief groups can help you understand that you are not alone after your child dies.[4]
Speaking to other bereaved parents can help you feel comfortable talking about your feelings. Anger, guilt, jealousy, frustration, exhaustion, or disbelief are all normal components of grieving your child. Being around others who have lost a child can also give you coping skills.Â
However, support groups should not replace professional help if you are experiencing severe grief symptoms, depression, trauma, substance use, or suicidal ideations. If you feel unable to manage these symptoms on your own, grief counseling, therapy, and even inpatient treatment can help you manage.[1][5][6]
Grief counseling provides a safe space for you to talk about your child, your emotions, and ways of coping – or not coping. A therapist can help you deal with the loss of your child without telling you how to grieve.
If you’ve never been to therapy, you may think grief counseling will try to force you into healing. However, therapy can provide you with the tools to:[1][5]Â
Individual grief counseling can help you to process your child’s death and how it has impacted your life. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is another type of therapy that can help rewire your thoughts about your child’s death and help you find healthier coping patterns.[5]
Further, family grief counseling can help you and your spouse grieve together while honoring your child. And finally, complicated grief treatment and trauma-focused therapies can also help if your grief has not improved over time or if you are experiencing complex trauma symptoms.
If your grief feels like too much to bear, you are not alone. In severe cases of grief, some parents could benefit from residential mental health treatment.
Inpatient treatment centers are ideal for anyone experiencing suicidal ideations, substance misuse, traumatic stress symptoms, depression, or an inability to self-care.
During residential treatment, you will be provided with 24/7 therapy, medication (if needed), structure, and a caring team to help you through your child’s death. While it may feel scary to be separated from your home, inpatient treatment could be a helpful resource if you feel like you can’t handle your grief alone.[1][3][8]
A Mission For Michael (AMFM) provides treatment for adults experiencing various conditions. Grief support is a phone call away – call 866-478-4383 to learn about our current treatment options.
See our residences in Southern California’s Orange County & San Diego County.
Take a look at our homes on the east side of the Metro area in Washington County.
View our facilities in Fairfax County, VA within the DC metro area.
If you’re dealing with the loss of a child, there are likely no words to express what you’re feeling. But this doesn’t mean that you’re alone in what you’re going through.Â
AMFM (A Mission For Michael) Mental Health Treatment can help. We personalize grief treatment to your specific symptoms and needs – and never rush you in the process. There is space for the memories of your child to exist alongside a bright future where you can feel free from heavy grief.Â
AMFM Mental Health Treatment provides a range of treatment programs, including residential and outpatient treatment programs. We offer an intimate, focused mental health treatment experience for adults in home-like settings that are carefully maintained to be peaceful, comfortable spaces. Our team of expert clinicians believes in treatment persistence so you can achieve lasting, life-changing outcomes.Â
Our locations in California, Minnesota, and Virginia accept insurance and are in-network with most major providers. To check your insurance coverage for mental health care, simply complete our confidential online verification form or call us at 866-478-4383.
Reach out to us to learn more about how we can support you. There is no obligation or cost to have a helpful conversation with one of our caring team members.
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