Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health conditions in the United States. In fact, they affect over 19% of adults.[1] The majority of those adults are in relationships, and obviously, their anxiety doesn’t park itself outside the front door when they come home.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America found that people with anxiety were twice as likely to experience relationship problems and three times more likely to avoid intimacy with their partner.[2] Plus, there are significant associations between one partner’s anxiety and both partners’ perceptions of the relationship.
Anxiety affecting a relationship is a very real and well-documented problem, but it is also a workable one. If you or someone you care about has an anxiety disorder, a mental health professional can help get to the root of the issue and assist you both in forging a stronger bond.
This page can also help, as it walks you through some practical, research-backed actions you can take for anxiety ruining your relationship.
A recent study found that people with higher anxiety symptoms reported significantly lower relationship satisfaction, and so did their partners.[3]
It is human nature to seek reassurance. When your anxiety spikes, the instinct is to look to your partner for comfort. At first, your partner may respond calmly, but if the questions keep coming even after reassurance is given, they might feel like nothing they say is ever enough. In this way, excessive reassurance-seeking in romantic relationships is linked to reduced relationship quality over time.[4]
People with anxiety can also find disagreements disproportionately threatening. The anxious mind often experiences a simple dispute about household tasks as a sign that the relationship is falling apart. So, it can cause two opposite reactions:
Anxiety is associated with both of these patterns, also called “demand-withdraw,” where one partner pushes for resolution while the other pulls back.
Then, anxiety is one of the most common causes of disrupted sleep. And a study from UC Berkeley found that one poor night of sleep made couples significantly more likely to argue the next day.[5]
Finally, since anxiety also activates the body’s stress response, it can make intimacy difficult. Research backs this, as it finds consistent associations between anxiety disorders and lower sexual satisfaction and desire.[6]
AMFM is here to help you or your loved one take the next steps towards an improved mental well-being.
The term “relationship anxiety disorder” is used to describe a persistent, intense state of anxiety triggered by romantic relationships.
Everybody feels a certain nervousness that comes with being in love. Similarly, feeling anxious before a difficult conversation or worried after a genuine conflict is a normal part of being in a relationship.
Relationship anxiety disorder is different in the sense that the anxiety does not match the circumstances. The dread does not need a reason to show up. It just does.
Here are some signs that indicate an underlying relationship anxiety disorder. You might…
The causes of anxiety can differ from person to person, often tracing back to unique genetics and experiences. Therefore, relationship anxiety can also grow from many different reasons. Potential causes could include:
John Bowlby’s work on attachment theory remains foundational in psychology. His research found that children who experience inconsistent caregiving learn to stay in a state of hypervigilance around the people they depend on. This hypervigilance can extend into adulthood and transfer to romantic partners as well.[7]
What makes the fear of abandonment damaging in relationships is the behavioral loop it can create. For instance, a person with a high baseline fear might pursue their partner more intensely. Like calling more, needing more reassurance, becoming more emotionally reactive, and so on. As a result, their push for closeness could drive someone they care about away.
Hypervigilance like this is characteristic of one attachment style in particular: anxious attachment. A study found that anxiously attached people were significantly more likely to engage in “protest behaviors.” These are the actions you take to gain attention from your partner to restore closeness.[8]
Attachment anxiety is one of the strongest predictors of jealousy in romantic relationships. The jealousy is generated internally rather than by anything your partner has done. For example, an anxious mind could just generate stories about their partner based on a friendly exchange they had or a name that comes up in conversation.
In this kind of jealousy, the reassurance from a partner often doesn’t really help because the source is internal. Also, it can become a serious source of conflict because a partner eventually runs out of ways to prove something that someone’s anxiety will refuse to accept as proven.
Anxiety can make it genuinely difficult to trust a partner. A study found that people with higher anxiety levels reported lower interpersonal trust across both romantic and non-romantic relationships.[9]
There’s also research that shows threat responses learned in one context can generalize broadly. For instance, if you have been cheated on previously, your brain might have learned that people need to be handled with caution. It has trouble distinguishing between the person who hurt you and the person standing in front of you now.
In other words, your nervous system may respond to your current partner as though they are a threat, even when they have given you every reason to feel safe.[10]
Codependency is an emotional state where your emotional well-being becomes almost entirely dependent on your partner’s state.
Anxiety and codependency reinforce each other. Anxiety can make being alone difficult for you, so you orient yourself entirely around your partner.
But the more your sense of security depends on your partner’s moment-to-moment emotional state, the more anxious you become. People’s moods are simply too variable to build a foundation on.
Codependency is associated with anxiety, depression, and relationship dissatisfaction.[11]
Anxiety often causes a lot of communication issues. For example, you might hold your opinions back because you are scared of the reaction. Or, you may over-explain and circle back to the same point to make sure you have been understood.
Additionally, anxiously attached people tend to amplify their distress during conflict. Plus, they frequently interpret neutral comments as critical or negative.
What ends up happening is that the conversations you need to have most can become very difficult to get right. In other words, the anxiety warps how you deliver your message.
A Mission For Michael (AMFM) provides treatment for adults experiencing various conditions. Anxiety support is a phone call away – call 866-478-4383 to learn about our current treatment options.
See our residences in Southern California’s Orange County & San Diego County.
Take a look at our homes on the east side of the Metro area in Washington County.
View our facilities in Fairfax County, VA within the DC metro area.
Having anxiety is not a death knell for your relationship. With awareness, effort, and consistent practice, you can overcome its effects on your life and partnership. Here are some evidence-based tips that could help you heal from relationship anxiety.
Before you can change anything about relationship anxiety, you need to take an honest look at the effects it has had on your relationship.
Partners of people with anxiety can become burned out by their significant other’s reassurance-seeking. They might also feel strained by missed socialization opportunities when the anxious partner avoids events. Meanwhile, the anxious partner may not register how much their avoidance costs the other person.
Simply put, anxiety symptom accommodation by partners contributes to patterns of maladaptive interactions that can be ultimately frustrating for both.
Here are some questions you could ponder over:
Research has found that people with higher social anxiety symptoms report being less assertive. They may also be more likely to avoid expressing emotions or conflicts in their relationships.[12]
Communication is a skill, and it can be practiced. Open and honest communication makes both partners feel safe expressing their concerns without fear of judgment.
Relationships where partners use “I” statements rather than blaming one another experience less conflict escalation. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when our plans change without notice” has room for communication, but “You never tell me anything” is straight-up blaming your partner.
Paired with that, active listening is very important for communication. Try to make your partner feel genuinely heard and resist your urge to problem-solve immediately.
If you live with anxiety, there’s a good chance you’ve found yourself leaning on your partner more than usual.
Many of the anxieties people experience in relationships stem from poor boundaries, taking on responsibility for another person’s emotions, trying to control their behaviors, and so on. Healthy boundaries keep your relationship sustainable. Some examples of healthy boundaries include:
Setting these limits does require some self-awareness first. You can’t know what boundaries you need until you’ve taken time to reflect on your own values, needs, and limits in the relationship. Also, you should set only boundaries you’re genuinely willing to uphold.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is considered the gold standard in psychotherapeutic treatment for anxiety disorders.[13]
It is a short-term, skills-focused treatment of around 20 sessions in which you learn to alter the maladaptive emotional responses by working on the way you think. It basically aims to address all the anxious patterns that are doing damage in your relationship.
Additionally, emotion regulation therapy is an integration of CBT with mindfulness and emotion-focused approaches.
It is built upon the idea that your anxiety is a response to emotions that feel too big to sit with. And when you don’t have good tools for handling those emotions, you either shut down or you spill them onto the person closest to you.
Emotion-focused therapy (EFT) has also been extensively studied among couples with relationship anxiety. It has been shown to help both partners identify the negative cycles they have fallen into and their underlying causes. And you can also learn to reprocess the emotions behind your anxiety.[14]
Anxiety in a relationship is not always a solo problem. If it is between two people and the patterns it creates involve both of you, couples therapy can help. It puts both of you in the room at the same time, with a trained third party who can see the dynamic from the outside.
Studies show that couples therapy positively impacts around 70% of couples who go through treatment.[15] Couple-based interventions work really well when one partner suffers from anxiety because they work together to overcome it. And couples who seek help within six years of problems arising tend to see better results.[16]
Integrative behavioral couple therapy and couple-based EFT are also some helpful approaches that could give both of you a structured place to slow down.
Healthy relationships have a protective effect on your mental health. So, the work you do on your relationship isn’t separate from the work you do on your anxiety. Meaningful change in one tends to produce the same change in the other.
A Mission for Michael (AMFM) specializes in marriage and family counseling for people dealing with relationship anxiety. Our clinical approach centers on a variety of options, including CBT and emotionally focused therapy.
We are located in California, Virginia, and Minnesota, and are in-network with almost all large insurance providers. If you have been under the weight of relationship anxiety, reach out to us today.
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Zaider TI, Heimberg RG, Iida M. Anxiety disorders and intimate relationships: a study of daily processes in couples. J Abnorm Psychol. 2010 Feb;119(1):163-73. doi: 10.1037/a0018473. PMID: 20141253; PMCID: PMC5177451.
“Any Anxiety Disorder – National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).” National Institute of Mental Health, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder. Accessed 8 April 2025.https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder
Smith, Sara. “BHP Blog – Behavioral Health Partners (BHP).” BHP Blog – Behavioral Health Partners (BHP) – University of Rochester Medical Center, 10 April 2018, https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety. Accessed 9 April 2025.
MA, Carlberg K. “Crisis Intervention – StatPearls.” NCBI, 24 April 2023, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559081/. Accessed 20 February 2025.
No. Anxiety can strain communication and trust, but it’s treatable. With the right support, many couples rebuild safety, improve communication, and feel close again.
Common signs include constant reassurance-seeking, overanalyzing texts or tone, fear of abandonment, jealousy or checking behaviors, conflict that escalates quickly, avoidance, or feeling like you can’t relax in the relationship.
Pick a calm moment, use “I” statements, and focus on the pattern—not blame. It helps to agree on a plan for hard moments (a pause, a reset skill, and a time to revisit the conversation).
Boundaries that are kind and consistent work best—like limiting repeated reassurance loops, taking short breaks during escalations, and protecting personal time while still offering connection and support.
If anxiety is severe, overwhelming, or you can’t function day-to-day, residential care may offer the structure and 24/7 support you need. If you’re able to manage daily responsibilities but need consistent treatment, PHP/IOP (including virtual options) may be a better fit—and we can help you figure out what level of care makes sense.
At AMFM, we strive to provide the most up-to-date and accurate medical information based on current best practices, evolving information, and our team’s approach to care. Our aim is that our readers can make informed decisions about their healthcare.
Our reviewers are credentialed medical providers specializing and practicing behavioral healthcare. We follow strict guidelines when fact-checking information and only use credible sources when citing statistics and medical information. Look for the medically reviewed badge on our articles for the most up-to-date and accurate information.
If you feel that any of our content is inaccurate or out of date, please let us know at info@amfmhealthcare.com
