How to Talk to Someone About Their Eating Disorder: 5 Things to Say

Key Takeaways

• Approaching someone about an eating disorder requires empathy, patience, and careful language that avoids shame or blame.
• Using “I” statements and expressing genuine concern can open the door to honest conversation without making the person feel attacked.
• Knowing what not to say is just as important as knowing the right words, since comments about food or appearance can cause harm.
• Gently encouraging professional support rather than issuing ultimatums helps the person feel respected and in control of their recovery.
• A Mission for Michael (AMFM) provides specialized residential and outpatient mental health programs with evidence-based therapies to support eating disorder recovery.

Why Starting the Conversation Feels So Difficult

Watching someone you care about struggle with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming. You may worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing them away, or making the situation worse. That hesitation is understandable: eating disorders are complex mental health conditions tied to deep emotional pain, and the people experiencing them often feel intense shame already.

But staying silent carries its own risks. Eating disorders can have serious physical and psychological consequences, and early, compassionate intervention makes a real difference. The good news is that you don’t need to be a therapist to have a meaningful conversation. 

You just need the right approach and a few thoughtful phrases to help someone feel seen, supported, and less alone.

5 Things to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder

1. “I Care About You, & I’m Here No Matter What”

Before diving into specifics, lead with unconditional support. People with eating disorders often fear judgment, and they may have already internalized the idea that they’re a burden. A simple statement of care, without conditions or expectations, can lower their defenses and create a safer space for honest dialogue.

You don’t need to reference food, weight, or behavior at all in this moment. The goal is to remind them that your relationship isn’t contingent on their recovery timeline or their willingness to talk right now. Sometimes just knowing that someone is in their corner provides a sense of stability that’s been missing.

2. “I’ve Noticed Some Changes, & I Wanted to Check In”

If you feel the need to address what you’ve observed, frame it in terms of behavioral or emotional changes rather than physical appearance. Saying something like “I’ve noticed you seem more withdrawn lately” or “You haven’t seemed like yourself” keeps the focus on their well-being rather than their body.

Avoid commenting directly on weight loss, weight gain, or eating habits. Even well-meaning remarks like “you look thin” can reinforce disordered thinking. By keeping your observation broad and emotionally grounded, you show that your concern comes from a place of love rather than surveillance.

Leading with unconditional support and focusing on emotional changes rather than physical appearance creates a safer space for someone with an eating disorder to open up. 

3. “You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone”

Isolation is one of the most common experiences for someone living with an eating disorder. They may have pulled away from social situations involving food, started hiding behaviors, or convinced themselves that nobody would understand. Letting them know they don’t have to carry this weight by themselves can be profoundly reassuring.

This phrase also gently challenges the secrecy that eating disorders thrive on. You’re not demanding they open up immediately; you’re simply leaving the door open and reminding them that support exists whenever they’re ready to reach for it.

4. “How Can I Best Support You?”

Rather than assuming what the person needs, ask them directly. This puts them in the driver’s seat and respects their autonomy, which is especially important because eating disorders often develop partly as a response to feeling out of control.

Their answer might surprise you. They may ask you to stop commenting on food choices at meals together, or they might want someone to sit with them during a tough moment. They might not know what they need yet, and that’s okay, too. The act of asking communicates that you see them as a whole person, not a problem to be fixed.

5. “Would You Be Open to Talking to Someone Who Can Help?”

There’s a meaningful difference between saying “you need to see a doctor” and asking “would you be open to exploring professional support?” The first can feel like a directive; the second, an invitation. People are far more likely to consider help if they feel the choice is theirs.

If they seem receptive, you can offer to help with practical steps — researching treatment options, making a call together, or even just being there on the day of a first appointment. If they’re not ready, avoid pushing. Let them know the offer stands and that you’ll be there whenever they decide to take that step.

What to Avoid Saying

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be present without trying to fix, diagnose, or redirect the conversation.

Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can do more harm than good. Comments like “just eat” or “you look fine to me” minimize the disorder and dismiss the emotional struggle behind it. Avoid making it about willpower, discipline, or appearance.

Ultimatums like “if you don’t get help, I can’t be around you” may feel like a way to convey urgency, but they often backfire by increasing shame and withdrawal. Similarly, don’t compare their experience to someone else’s or try to diagnose them yourself. Your role is to be a compassionate presence, not a clinician.

It also helps to avoid centering yourself in the conversation. Phrases like “this is so hard for me to watch” shift the emotional labor onto the person who’s already struggling. Keep the focus on them and what they need.

How AMFM (A Mission for Michael) Supports Eating Disorder Recovery

AMFM offers residential and outpatient programs with a 2:1 staff-to-client ratio and evidence-based therapies designed to treat the emotional roots of eating disorders. 

At AMFM (A Mission for Michael), we understand that eating disorders are deeply connected to underlying mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other complex diagnoses. That’s why our approach goes beyond surface-level symptom management; we focus on treating the whole person.

Our residential and outpatient programs across California, Minnesota, Virginia, and Washington provide structured, compassionate care designed around each individual. With a 2:1 staff-to-client ratio, our licensed clinical team offers the kind of close, consistent support that makes a real difference. 

We use evidence-based therapies, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), alongside holistic approaches like art therapy and equine-assisted therapy, to help clients develop healthier coping strategies and rebuild their relationship with themselves.

We also know that comfortable, home-like treatment environments help people feel safe enough to do the hard work of recovery. Our facilities are accredited by The Joint Commission, and we accept most major insurance plans with financial guidance available to help families navigate the process. If someone you love is struggling, we’re here to help you take the next step together.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do I bring up an eating disorder without making someone defensive?

Use “I” statements focused on your concern, not their behavior. Saying “I’ve been worried about you” feels less confrontational than “you have a problem.” Choose a private, calm moment and avoid mealtime conversations.

Can eating disorders be treated without medication?

Yes, many eating disorders respond well to therapy-based approaches such as CBT, DBT, and EMDR. Treatment plans often focus on addressing the emotional and psychological roots of disordered eating through structured therapeutic programs.

What should I do if someone denies they have an eating disorder?

Denial is common and doesn’t mean your concern was wrong. Avoid arguing or presenting evidence. Instead, reiterate your support and let them know you’re available whenever they’re ready to talk or seek help.

Are eating disorders only about food and weight?

No. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions often connected to anxiety, trauma, depression, or a need for control. Effective treatment addresses these underlying emotional factors rather than focusing solely on eating behaviors.

What makes AMFM different in treating eating disorder-related mental health conditions?

AMFM offers a 2:1 staff-to-client ratio, evidence-based therapies like CBT and EMDR, and holistic treatments in comfortable residential and outpatient settings. Our Joint Commission-accredited programs are tailored to each person’s needs across multiple locations.