Every relationship involves conflicts, resolutions, and a fair amount of struggle. However, overly-stressful relationships are not healthy relationships.
There are times when stressful events can occur during a relationship, such as a loved one dying, financial problems, or the loss of a job. Just because you’re going through a stressful event during a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is unhealthy. But when do you draw the line between relationship tribulations and an overall unhealthy relationship?
There are warning signs and red flags that can occur throughout a relationship that indicate it’s not a healthy situation. If you’re interested in learning about the signs that your relationship is giving you anxiety, we’ve created a complete guide to help you better understand your situation. Keep reading to learn more!
You’re Overthinking What You Want to Say
In any healthy relationship, a stable stream of communication is essential. However, if you feel like you can’t communicate what you’re thinking or what you want to say, you may notice that you have an increased level of anxiety.
Perhaps you feel like you need to stuff your feelings. Maybe you feel stonewalled (shut down, essentially) when you attempt to bring up an issue that concerns you.
If you feel like you’re in a situation where you can’t fully express what you think or what you want to say, as you’re anticipating your partner’s reaction being negative, this can lead to frequent feelings of anxiety. No one deserves to walk on eggshells every day in their relationships.
You’re Fighting Yourself
Even when you’re not fighting with your partner, if you notice that you’re feeling anxious with the arguments you’re having in yourself, it’s probably your brain trying to fight to make sense of the situation at hand.
If your partner demands that they need to have things their way all of the time, is manipulative or is not willing to compromise with your situation, it creates a feeling of self-doubt within you. Not only is this behavior abusive, but it can worsen over time.
This development of self-doubt can create anxiety, and if you’ve noticed it’s because you’re beginning to question yourself due to the actions or words of your partner, it’s a sign that your relationship is giving you anxiety.
Listen to your gut. We all tend to underestimate our instincts, but we always know more deep down than we think we know.
You Can’t Resolve Arguments
Just as we talked about earlier, a relationship can cause a spike in anxiety due to interpersonal fights. If you and your partner are fighting due to their uncompromising behavior, the consequences of their control can cause you stress.
Arguments that continuously go in circles or can never seem to resolve also indicate a relationship that might need to be reconsidered.
You’re Unable To Compromise As A Team
One of the things that you must do in a healthy relationship is to understand the concept of compromise with your partner. There’s a difference between being headstrong regarding specific topics you’re passionate about and never being able to admit you’re wrong.
Just so you know, giving up to prevent a fight isn’t a compromise, either; giving up to prevent conflict is you neglecting a piece of yourself to make your partner happy.
If you find yourself giving in to your partner’s needs all of the time, it can increase your levels of anxiety.
You’re Always Worried About Your Relationship
If you are regularly consumed with thoughts of your partner and being worried about what they’re doing, what they’re going to do, or how they’re going to react to a particular situation, it’s a sign that your partnership is increasing your anxiety.
Instead of being able to get tasks completed, enjoy yourself, or find time to relax, you’re spending your free time being worried about your partner in an unhealthy manner. This is another sign that your relationship is giving you increased anxiety.
You’re Always Overanalyzing
If you noticed that you can’t stop thinking about your partner or the status of your relationship, it’s a sign that you may have attachment anxiety.
If you notice that you’re developing this behavior, it’s usually a red flag that the relationship isn’t the perfect fit for you, or it’s a sign that your partner is emotionally unavailable for you to connect.
If you are anxious or emotionally sensitive, pairing up with someone who is emotionally insensitive and is unable to meet your emotional needs can create anxiety in your relationship, even if you don’t realize it at first.
You’re Putting in More Effort To The Relationship Than Your Partner Is
If you feel like you’re the only one in the relationship putting in effort all the time, this can create a feeling of elevated anxiety.
Are you’re the one who’s always setting up plans, making attempts to compromise, or putting out extra effort to listen to your partner’s needs? This pattern in actions and behaviors from your partner will have you feeling anxious and even potentially worried about your relationship.
If you feel like you’re not able to connect to your partner in a way that meets your personal needs as well, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t a good fit for your anxiety. You shouldn’t feel stressed out all the time in your relationship.
The Impact of Stressful Relationships On Your Health
Stressful relationships can increase your anxiety, which is why it’s so crucial for you to identify red flags in a relationship.
If you identify places of concern with your relationship with your partner, and they dismiss your feelings, you should consider leaving the bond- no matter how hard it may be. The most important thing for you to remember in all of your relationships is that your opinions are valid and that you should protect your energy and mental health at all costs. You deserve to be seen, heard, and understood.Are you interested in learning more about how to manage your anxiety and your mental health? Click here to check out our blog.
It makes sense that your relationship may be causing anxiety if you begin to question yourself as a result of your partner’s actions. My wife and I haven’t been getting along ever since my father passed away, and I have started to become insecure and anxious which prevents me from sleeping before I have to go to work each day. Maybe I should find a professional that can help me improve my mental health.
Had already been fighting more since ~2016/election…have been fighting even more since covid and the protests and election coming up. We can’t seem to agree on anything and its really taking its toll.
Sorry for that I’m going threw the same thing
Im in so much pain, really depressed. I got married last year and moved to his home country only for me feel all this, its sad to be newly wed and being in this situation. I feel completely alone and don’t feel cared for at all
I been in a relationship for 9 years. After 3 major back surgeries and his drinking habits and controlling ways. My anxiety and depression has gotten so bad I don’t know what to do.
I’m also in this type of relationship, I feel I have to walk on eggshells constantly, I don’t like being around him at all, we don’t talk about our problems because it ends up in argument so in order to prevent arguments I just don’t, this has been going on for so long, i haven’t left because we have a child, now that child is 18 and soon to go to college, I feel that a lot of my anxiety has affected him , he is seen a therapist for OCD and I keep thinking maybe we have caused this, I probably should have left when he was a little one. Living in this situation i used to pretend nothing was wrong around my child but now he is an adult and there is no pretending, my husband and I barely speak, and I’m ok with that because I don’t want to engage with him. Any advice is welcome. Thanks
I’m in a similar situation. I feel like no matter what I say, he invalidates me. It’s come to the point where I am afraid to say anything to him. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells too. We have started marriage counseling, so I am hoping this will help, but I am not convinced it will. I plan on at least trying. If therapy doesn’t help, I will be filing for a divorce. I can’t live with someone who doesn’t respect me and is passive aggressive.
Wanda, do not judge yourself, you did what you have to do at that moment, today I can say that you are capable of continuing your life without his “support”, it looks like you already did all the job for yourself all this time. Your son is already a young adult and I am pretty sure you gave him all the tools and skills he needs to continue walking through. Life is not hard, people are, evaluate your life and put a price on your mental health and will be more easy to make some changes in your life for your well-being and your young adult. I wish you the best!!!
Me and my partner have strict and overprotective parents and I’m starting to get sexual feelings for her and every time I get these feelings for her I lashed out with my anger in front of my family
It’s my first relationship and I’m always worried about my partner and I think it’s ok but this kind feeling is very strange and fucking stressful 😫
Have been in a relationship for a year, with a person whom I have come to love. He does not/ cannot display affection. We share many activities and deep conversations. I am in healthcare, and I know what this means, sadly. I am missing out on the affection I need and deserve, and I will have to go through intense pain to break up with him. I know he will not stay ” just friends”.
I am in a loveless relationship too. He shows me no affection, no love; apathetic to everything. I am ready, like really ready to let go.
It’s always a two way thing. Always hearing from the woman’s side. Haven’t heard from the guy’s side of story. It could be a lot of factors. It could be a woman’s domineering behaviour, always want to win, insults, shouting, controlling method, childish and immature behaviour that led the guy to behave in such way. That said, the guy could be a contributing factor too
Go. Don’t stay with someone if it’s not fulfilling. If you stay you will lose your self esteem, time will fly by and you’ll have realized there’s much more you could have seen and done, but most of all, it’s not healthy for either of you. Eventually you will resent him and yourself. Go.
Nothing to hold onto so for your sanity health and life in general go your worth more then that!! Time is precious life is too short for games period and jokers are everywhere find you a king!! That puts you first not last
Get out of there’s ask yourself why you even got together in the first place. You deserve more than this.
Walk away.
I’m the same. Iv been with him for 3 and a half years. He moved into my house nearly a year ago and all its been is arguments. No affection. He can’t communicate. Walks out when I try and talk to him about issues. Feels like I’m going around in circles. Nothing is being resolved to the point where I’m thinking I want to end it. When I say this to him he guilt trips me saying he gave up his place he rented for the last ten years for me. He is oblivious to the issues we have. Just buries his head in sand.
leave him now
I am going threw similar, I am finally wanting out but he will not make it easy for me because he decided a few years to make me he’s safety blanket after doing a few things drink and drugs and realised he could always come back. Now he has no respect for me says he dosnt remember saying things, doing things that I say dosnt make me feel good and say he’s not done anything wrong but if I did the same things he would go mad and mentally abuse me for a long period of time. He drinks a lot now because he stopped drugs. He works a lot, that’s fine after work he would rather hang with neighbours and drink because we don’t do anything anymore because there is nothing there. Not like when you love someone it’s great to go for a walk or a hike in nature and mess around make jokes or do other simple things. Everything he talks to me about is negative everything he speaks to other people about is overly friendly babe love darling, your so funny, aww your mad it’s cute for example in front of my face. When actually I used to be confident funny out doing now I don’t speak to any one anymore he used to say he didn’t like me being outgoing or talking to people if it made him uncomfortable, but I finally realised it’s unhealthy and I have lots of anxity depression feeling sad, I never used to have any of that before. It’s very sad that there is people out there who thrive to make you feel that way but at the beginning they were so nice and told you things about them that weren’t true and lied to you all your life wasted your time manipulated you and watched you suffer and begin to lose your whole happiness and yourself. I don’t think I will ever be myself again. Everyone women and men, we all need to be a lot more carefull who we let into our lives always be wary even if they seem amazing it’s sad to say because it can change you forever, there is light at the end of the tunnel I know that I just need to find it right now and go threw it. I don’t have any help because my partner made me move 200 miles away to escape drugs saying he was going to change he never did so iv because isolated more than ever, but there came a point when I had enough I prayed to go please let there be a point where iv had enough and it won’t hurt me to leave, I hope this is it for me because I need out it won’t be easy because he dosnt want out I have in most times because it was too hard him coming around knocking on my door windows saying he just needed something mad I didn’t want to ring the police or cause a scene because my anxity was so high to couldn’t breath so let him in and delt with it tried to live quietly in the house and not say anything or have a conversation if something was affecting me or I was feeling sad. I can’t even believe now he didn’t care and let me feel that way not only do things worse never comfort me with words let alone anything else. Used me sexually so I realised he would be so called nice, I thought he was being nice but I realised being nice just meant he wouldn’t speak to me Oohhh so badly, not that bad and stop maybe drinking for 2 days all the mean time hiding in around the house, what hurts while thinking about this is he was Tricking me, tricking me into a lie to get what he wanted and after that go back to how he was before, I can’t believe I have been this stupid and blind for 14 years, I’m 37 now. How has this happened to me for so long? He will say he has been nothing but amazing to people he will tell stories about things we always do as if he believes it. So I have to find that light right now all alone and I have to walk threw that light right away as soon as I see it, no hesitations no feeling bad because he knows how to pull heart strings at the very last second to me me feel bad for him and sympathy, but I know now he’s never had any sympathy for me not even a inch so when I finally do see that light, I hope and pray to god I do, I will run, I’ll run as fast and my legs can take me, I’ll blast threw it because I’ll know there is nothing left for me in this darkness that’s grew from the light I once had insideme that radiated once from within me. I just hope too that there are pieces left, I don’t care if there has to be broken pieces that has to be put back together again or maybe I do because I know it hurts but I do hope that I can put, just even find somewhere some of those pieces and put a few of them back together so I can piece together some of what is left of me so I can be a little bit more of what I used to be when I was happy once when I had hopefulness when I use to look forward to the next day instead of staying in bed late because I don’t want to be in the next day, I want that back, please god I need that back. So Im now just going to have to wait and see, so t say your weak just do it what are you moaning about, it’s not that easy when your stook and was blind, maybe still a bit blind, but waking up, I can see things now all the things that’s happened and I didn’t see it for what it was I can see now that it wasn’t what I thought it was a the time, how did I not know that? I see myself as relatively smart in topics anyway… sorry to throw all this out there but I feel better for saying this and I’m not going to have anxiety about saying this on here, I will just leave it here where I put it and if I do get that bit of anxiety about it, I’ll just say to myself, if I can just leave that there and overcome the anxiety of what iv put out there about myself then I’m one step closer to seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, I’m saying it I’m admitting it to myself now, I wasn’t before I was in denial so if anyone does see this annoyingly long post, you’ll know that I left it here I felt with the anxiety of finally admitting to myself my situation iv only just realised and only just said almost out loud on this for all things I don’t know why, then.. I am one step closer to getting a bit of my life back, who knows maybe right now I am finally back me again and I’m happy and the world is bliss!
WOW, While I sit here at work reading this, with tears rolling down my face, because every word written feels exactly like my life experiences with over 25 yrs in this nightmare, hoping for that light at the end of the tunnel, for better days.
stay strong
OMG! I can’t believe it! You are me & I am you. I felt as if I was reading about my relationship. Your words brought me to tears because they are so very similar to my situation. We’ve been together 14 yrs. I am 50 yrs. young, with 3 adult DAUGHTERS. Imagine teaching your girls about what not to put up with & then you end up showing them different. I get so angry at myself for dealing & putting up with this for so long. As I said you and have a lot of the same exact things going on. I want to leave now. For good (THIS TIME) I hope things work out for you soon if it hasn’t already. I have to make moves soon also because nobody should have to go through life being so unhappy. Being mentally & emotionally unhealthy doesn’t feel good and know we can change it, not easy but we can. Good luck to you.
I’m in a situation where I’m being treated for anxiety and depression. This morning I was on a phone call dealing with a complicated matter which raised my anxiety, my wife was upstairs and someone rang the doorbell. She had to come downstairs to open the door and then proceeded to berate me loudly that I hadn’t informed her I’d be on the phone and she had to come all the way downstairs. I explained it was a very important stressful phone call, and I didn’t know someone was going to ring the doorbell. She went on to loudly council me, which raised my anxiety to the roof. After she left the room, I left the house and went to the library where the quietness helped lower my anxiety. I now feel lower than usual because she didn’t respect my anxiety and depression over some trivial item.
This is amazing and almost entirely exactly what I am going through. Up to the part where you moved 200 miles away – there are so many parts of this that somehow are identical. I am going to leave soon. I know he wants to work the song and dance and pull the heart strings to try to pull me back. Last night for example I explained some topics that he found uninteresting so added his pieces to my story. I was mentioning the fact I had wanted our marriage to continue because I make plans for the future for us like going on family trips. Today he makes plans for us going on a trip. Smh I have no idea where he gets these ideas. I am considering reaching out to a girlfriend but we all have problems of our own and the times I keep coming back I am so uncertain at times in which I used the he super outgoing and confident and helping others to nearly isolating myself. This feeling I have experience with now include where my one sister is going through and others I can view them as I greet them in gas stations and they have a frown and my husband has a smile. I should say smirk because taking aw you’re so cute when you’re mad and idk why people are always so nice to me. I never have a hard time getting gas lol because of the stress that I had no idea of and was unaware of. This leads to stress on my parents and friends and family. We have been married for 7 years dating and together over 10 ( he mentioned last night his 7 year itch how am I supposed to think about this if he is working on his marriage?) I am leaving soon
I couldn’t agree with this mush more , I’m 26 years old and I feel the exact way about my life & your comment really opened my eyes to see things how they really are , then how I like to sugar coat it . I really mush hope you find yourself again & are able to be happy you seem like a very nice person and I wish you the best in life ❤️ as for me I will not let this “man “get the best of me any longer .
I am so sorry for you, I can relate on so many levels 😪 I want to walk away but I have invested so much into it waiting for him to mature…I see the things I love in him and I’ve started resenting him also, hes changed and it feels like now I’m withholding sex because theres no equality in the relationship and the only thing of myself that he is interested in…how do I let this go
My husband gets something that annoys him and rants and raves, and somehow makes me feel responsible. We have been married for 30 years.
It makes sense that your relationship may be causing you to feel anxious if you notice that your partner’s actions are causing you to question your own thoughts. My sister has been unable to sleep ever since her husband mentioned that she hasn’t been contributing to their family for the last few months, and I would like to help her avoid feeling anxious since she hasn’t been getting enough sleep to perform well at work. Maybe she should seek professional help in order to find ways to alleviate stress and anxiety.
I have a similar thing with my fella . Been 7 years for me. Like living with a brother. That I cook clean and do everything for . Have found hes become very argumentative and prone to temper tantrum s amongst other problems . 7 years is not easy to up root and start again . I have gone very anxious about everything constantly questioning what I’m doing .
Longer you leave it harder it gets …..
For me it has been three years. I feel more like his mother than his wife/partner. I am ready, like really ready to let go.
I’m in the same situation.
I’m ready to leave . I literally can’t stand to look At him. Everytime he drinks Or comes near me I get anxiety. He’s cheated so much in the past every time he leaves the house I think he’s cheating etc. I’m so ready to go. I sleep on the couch for months now
I have been in an emotionless marriage for 14 years. I do everything cook clean grocery bills fix things in the house home school my child etc. but yet he constantly tells me that I am the cause of his anger. I go all day without talking to him and if I comment on anything he says or even look at him he accuses me of making him angry. He tells his family that I am constantly telling him how to do things but he just lays in bed all day and does nothing. I never ask him for help he lies to his family and says he has to do everything but he won’t do anything. I have had panic attacks for three months and been to hospital but he is still angry and won’t help me . He stopped wanting to be intimate with me when my 12 yo was born. He said he thinks of me as a mom not a sexual partner. I am his mom he won’t eat unless I make food. He got angry when I asked him to do his laundry or clean his bathroom. He won’t do it. No intimacy for 10 years. Separate rooms. Scared to leave due to covid because he won’t get vaccinated and I don’t want my son to get covid so I stay and take the abuse to protect my child
Not easy to leave but definitely what he deserves and what you should do. Someone who actually loves you and sees you is out there.
My boyfriend lies all the time.
Even when proven he still denies it.
This makes me go crazy initially but then I learn to live with it but miserably so.
I’ve become so depressed because of the continuous above behaviour that I’ve lost my way, my confidence & my self respect.
I know he’s lying yet turn a blind eye it’s destroying me .
My advice to you is leave while there is still time, I had the same feelings when dating now my husband, it doesn’t get better it worst in my case then a child came and he made me feel so incompetent and alway thinking his way was the right way. And I have stayed for 18 years it’s how old my son is. Think about your future and in this situation. Sorry this is happening to you, hope you resolve it soon.
Didn’t even start the relationship… The guy has had feelings for me since elementary school… I only ever viewed him as a friend and i still do. My mom approves of him but my heart does not. He already told every one of his friends i am his girl when i just got out of a 3 year relationship a few weeks ago. I have just talked and tried to flirt to see if i have it in me but he thinks its more even though i have reiterated it more times than possible. He wants everything his way. I get it, its his first “relationship” and he’s almost 24 yrs old. Yesterday is the first time in a long time i spent the day chatting with him and it caused me to be inappetent and have diarhea nonstop. He wants to do everything that i have done with my exes with him even though i have told him nonstop it wont happen. I dont know how to let him down but i have been sleeping more and loosing time being active over this…
My wife is not caring and noticed that she is not worried about my stress and anxiety.
She just want me to take care of her. She doesn’t want to show love and care to me if am not agree what she want to do
I am a wife that is unable to show affection to my husband because of PTSD. Which I have had for 5 years
My husband drinks heavily and has become a bully he says because of me and my inability to show affection.
He says I neglect him . But I really do try to connect.
But he is angry and bullying and screams in my face and I’m left a quivering wreck.
I feel so guilty because I know it’s my ptsd that changed our relationship.
We need to separate because my mental health is becoming increasingly worse in this environment and it’s now affecting my physical health as well. Even though he tells me he can’t stand to spend another minute with me in his drunken moments he won’t leave and I can’t ,I have nowhere to go and no money to start again at the ripe old age of 64.
He has total control over money and a very well paid job .
I just want some peace and not be so frightened all the time of him????????
I hope your ok, I hope you can manage to put a little bit of money away each time you can so it can add up, my mum said to me once, always put that little bit of money away safe so when you have to leave because things were happening with me and my partner, so when you finally see what’s happening to you, you can leave. I am sorry this is happening to you, you are not alone. We have to try and find steps I’m trying to find my first step after realising a lot all in one go today. I wish you well.
My wife is not supportive and always has a negative attitude. She’s cold hearted, stonewalls, chaotic, and emotionally unstable. I’ve had 2 major long term relationships before her and this was never a problem for me. Because of her promiscuous past and single mom upbringing, she takes a lot out on me as if I’m her past sex partners. After she had a majore emotional outburst, she admitted it. If I come to her asking how she is, if shes okay, what is shes going through to prevent her exploding, she treats me like i’m invasive and rude for being concerned. So her only means of communication is not communicating and then exploding. Even during her anger rages, I talk calmly trying to find the solution but she never wants a solution, she wants her chaotic emotions to be validated as if they are healthy or productive in a relationship. I dont deserve to be abused because of someones past and I shouldn’t have to over extend myself for someone who doesnt want to change. Problem is we have a 1 year old daughter. I can’t accomplish my work, i’m always worried about what chaotic thing she will do next.
I am doing this to my man. I feel terrible and want to change. Your comment gave me a good perspective. Thank you
You live one life. My advice is to leave her at this point.
My husband will not take care of himself. He blames all of the problems he has on others. He is over weight and blames that on “my cooking”. I stopped cooking and he has been dialing delivery or getting fast food. Not just a cheeseburger, like two double cheeseburgers, a chicken sandwich and a fish sandwich with fries and a large sweet tea. If I do not go get the food for him or stop for it when I am out and about he says things like “if it was someone else you would do it”. Um I was AT WORK. He wanted to get a dog. But now that we have one he will not do anything to help with the care and training of said dog, that is all on me. He wanted to move to a different state. We did that and the only thing that changed is I have no friends near by. Any time I leave the house he texts and calls every 3-5 minutes to see where I am and what I’m doing. He could just look at the the location of my phone on the map. He yells. He will not do normal adult things like take a shower, shave, get dressed, pick up after himself. I don’t want to be with him any more but after this many years how do I just say that.
Like the way you stated it. Tell him you don’t love him and don’t want to be his mother any longer. The leave and make sure to do a pirouette as you are exiting.
Anytime my bf got angry or aggravated he would take it out on me and blame me for his confusion and aggravation. I constantly walk on eggshells I’m always watching what I say to not trigger his aggravation, he is the only reason I have anxiety about conversations. I used to speak my mind and say things bluntly. He made me change this with his anger, blame and abuse. And I still wasn’t good enough. He refused to communicate with me and I broke it off after 6 years. When I felt like I had made a mistake and asked to go to counseling to make it work as this was our only downside he flipped it on me and said “no, I broke up with him and he accepted and has moved on” now I am left in perpetuity, missing us and how great we were. He got me right where he wants. But I’m a high value woman with much ambition and drive so I’ll be fine. I just wish I didn’t have to see him everyday since we run a business together and have a band together. I just feel so lost without him. I wish he never got me to this point of love.
I’m so sorry your going threw this, I understand about how you used to speak your mind and be free in conversation. This was the case for me I used to be a good communicator too and then I used to get told things by him or he’d look at me funny like I shouldn’t be speaking or what I was saying wasn’t a good thing to say if I’d speak with someone a a till one a shop he’d look at me as if me communicating was strange and talk over me like only what he was saying mattered this gave me anxiety also, it’s also left me unable to communicate simply also. I am trying to finally take the steps I need to leave before it’s to late and there really is nothing left of me any more or anything at all left to put back together. I don’t work or anything because I can’t communicate in person and struggle really with people online talking too.. I don’t know where I found myself today to be so open, I hope you resolve your situation, you don’t owe anyone anything, I wish you well.
I was really thinking about your comment for a while, how you said your partner made you change the way you speak and communicate. I was thinking.. this is what happened to me, then all the mean time other girls that communicated or said things the way in how I would or used to he would comment on them how funny and crazy they was and laugh with them, this is very bad iv just realised this. This is real manipulation and very very hurtful. Please don’t let this happen to you.
Please do find and get help before you loose your self and it won’t be good for you are her ????
I dont understand how over analyzing means the relationship isnt for you? Sometimes anxiety comes from thoughts that spiral and you find yourself over analyzing things due to fear.
I had a really toxic girlfriend for 7 months and when I finally had the courage to break up with her I felt really relieved. But I didn’t want another relationship. And I didn’t for 4-5 years. Everytime I met a girl I would self sabotage and end it really early. Now I met someone new but the problem is that I have so much anxiety that she will be toxic as well. But I know she’s not like that but still everyday feels like someone new dies.
If when I get out of my situation and I’m in your shoes I would understand how you pushed people away because of the fear of being in that toxic relationship again, I will and would also be so worried about ever being in a relationship like that again if and when I finally get out of the one I’m in. But It sounds like youv found someone nice and you already know the red flags and warning signs and have gave yourself a good few years to heal. It sound like you really like this person if your writing this about this one girl, just make sure your ready to not bring all the anxity of your last toxic relationship and definitely tell her and speak to her about it so it dosnt affect this new relationship and I’m glad you managed to get out of the toxic one that’s better than what I have archived as I’m still stook so I hope to be you one day and I truly wish you the happy ending, all the best.
I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years. I fell really fast for him and thought he was perfect. I knew coming into the marriage that he had cheated with his last wife. But your past doesn’t define your future.. right? I was so wrong, I caught him talking to all kinds of other woman, nude photos, he even kept cards and sentiments from his past marriage. He sent them to her and said “I didn’t realize how much you loved me”. Yet I still stayed because we had a child and he promised he wouldn’t do it again. I was always on edge thinking I’d get hurt again. When I finally let my guard down, he cheated again, while I was pregnant with our second child. When I finally tried to move on, he begged me to come back. We tried so hard to make our marriage work but here lately I just can’t shake this feeling. I feel like I’m about to have a mental break down. When I try to talk to him about it, he just gaslights and it’s all my fault. “Im just in a rut and trying to drag everyone down with me. ” I believe today is the day, I’m finally ready to walk out and be “Me” again.
I hope you finally did get to be you again, I much the same an hoping and finally wanting to be me again too, best wishes.
My partner and I have just had a baby been together 5years but recently I seem to be doing everything? He works 4 long days, me two long days! Only Sunday we have together off but then always rushing about.
But he getting untidy to me.
I am slightly a clean freak but it’s making me very anxious when I walk in from work.
We argue a little then he goes quite and just shut offf he thinks he try’s but always seems to leave it a mess, gets something out does not put it back in its place. I seem to be looking after 2 children. Is it me?
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have 2 kids, 16 and 12. He causes a lot of anxiety in me because he says that I don’t give in to him in bed when he wants. He wants me to meet him “half way” and pick 4 days out of the week. I can’t go to bed without answering to him as to why not tonight. I can’t just simply go to bed. It’s always an argument. It has gotten worse and I have been crying more and more because he just simply doesn’t listen. I have explained to him that I have the right to say no to him even though we are married. He says I don’t show him affection like he does to me. I am at a point where I do not want to be with him anymore. In the past, he has had mood issues, where he would get very upset, he has grabbed me by my neck and shook me but he got help at that time, was better for couple of years. I have told him that he is reverting back to his old self and I feel like I am on eggshells with him. It hasn’t gotten to any physical harm, but yes he gets very upset. Now he thinks that talking to a therapist or psychologist is not beneficial because they base everything on opinion. I am at a loss. I am just not sure if I can even afford anything on my own, because of everything being so expensive.
My wife drinks way too much. Fills up trash cans with bottles. The anxiety it creates is simple to understand. I never know when she is going to get hammered and start a fight. I quit drinking because of her non sense.
Now I’m just anxious all the time and she knows why. But won’t quit drinking. I sometimes think she will drink herself to death and my troubles will be gone. Sad way to live
This really has helped to confirm things for me. This is my life, but not for long.
Side note, I notice people are replying, which seems to be to a post. Is there something I missed?
I’d love to know what others are responding to.
I have only been married for 2 years and five months. I am 53. He is 66. He really fooled me. We married too soon, only 7 months after dating.
I’m having a hard time forming my words here, but I will try ~
He has No Sex drive. No desire to please me. No desire to work on things. He is never in the wrong.
He lost his job a year after we married. It has been 14 months. He lays around all day. He refuses to get professional help for his depression.
He watching reruns of old westerns ALL day. He gets mad and turns his back to me in bed when i confront him on this. He huffs and puffs like a baby boy who isn’t getting his way.
He has no motivation to find another job. He wants everything to fall in his lap without doing the “work” on his own.
I have a good job. For now, we spilt the bills, but he is draining his account by not working.
I’m scared. I’m mad. I’m disgusted. I’m drained.
He went to therapy with me only 3 times. I had to drag him there. Once he saif he did not need the help, I stopped going to. I told my therapist I’m not going to pay $200 an hour to go listen to myself talk about what kind of a man child I married.
No job
No ambition
No sex
No desire to care for me affectingly
When my family comes, it’s always a big deal to him. He complains, even though they stay only 2 nights downstairs.
I need to move on.
I don’t know what to do. Did I make a mistake getting married again? My wife and I have been married nine and a half years. I have been so anxious the entire time. I am always scared to death that I’m going to say something that triggers her anger and insults. I know I don’t deserve this but I put up with it because I made a vow, a commitment to her. But I am afraid to speak and afraid that anything I do may trigger her. She is also so consumed with her work and her stress from work that I am often by myself. But when I’m by myself I have to be careful because I can be verbally attacked any moment. If I go jogging for instance, she will blow up at me asking why didn’t I ask her to go jogging. This goes for anything I do even when she is not around, so I mostly sit around the house. She always talks about how she loves her kids so much and the pets so much and the horses she works with so much, but I get anger from her more than any other emotion. I am tired, exhausted, empty. I cry non-stop when I am alone. I have PTSD from my military service and the life surrounding military service and I thought that when we got married I would find some peace but it is as bad and sometimes worse than my past has been. I am tired, so tired.
I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope you can find the strength to escape. I too am in such a relationship, as many others posting. However I have found that the problem is not one that can be easily fixed as I believe most of the people described have a personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you research articles you will find it describes your situation very closely if not exactly. So once you realize what you are dealing with you will come to realize these people will never change as they truly perceive they are the “normal” one and their partners are flawed, thus the constant verbal abuse. They will manipulate you like a tool and only care about themselves. They will isolate you from friends and family to control you easier. They don’t want you doing anything on your own. It is a mental disability or illness, you cannot fix them. I have also come to realize that people with NPD partner with empathy, we are the only one that will tolerate such abuse; a “normal” person with strong self esteem would never tolerate such abuse and would leave immediately. Life is not fair. Hopefully you will take this information to help you understand the situation with more clarity as I believe the answer is to leave. Do not attempt to convince them it’s what you need as they don’t care about your needs, leave while they are away and disappear; you cannot maintain contact with an NPD as they will suck you back in by manipulation and you will then be punished for leaving. Read my friend, read and learn the true nature of what we are all dealing with.
I been married for almost 6 years and our relationship has been a roller coaster. I tried to and made marriage counseling appointments and he never went. He says I frustrated him and stress him out. That I don’t help him that all I do is bring him down. In which I don’t know how I’m bringing him down when I work and take care of the kids and do the same thing every week. I have told him he has anger issues and he won’t seek help. I also feel like I’m walking in egg shells when I’m around him. I dearly love him because I know deep down in him he could be a better man. But he’s not willing to seek help. And all of this has caused me emotional stressed and domestically abuse. Maybe there’s something wrong with me!
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Im in so much pain, really depressed. I got married last year and moved to his home country only for me feel all this, its sad to be newly wed and being in this situation. I feel completely alone and don’t feel cared for at all
I’m from south Africa going through the same issues, even worse my wife is a narcissist. We have two children that’s why she thinks I won’t leave. I want to leave her. It’s really bad. She mistreats me.
Im in so much pain, really depressed. I got married last year and moved to his home country only for me feel all this, its sad to be newly wed and being in this situation. I feel completely alone and don’t feel cared for at all
if i ever get out of my situation i want to get closer to my family ive had to completely erase from my life the past 5 years and i know thatd make me feel like myself again
I feel like I made a wrong decision getting married and following my husband here to the US (far from family, no friends, no job since we just recently moved to a new place and I couldn’t work until I get a work permit) I’m constantly trying to be better (let go of my childhood trauma and practice kindness, understand, loving and appreciating myself and practise self worth and how to love unconditionally) I practice mindfullness, I try to look at things in a more positive light, I practise compromising, giving him benefit of the doubt even though I was never shown all these qualities growing up, He has his own problems too but he acknowledge this problems but then that’s the end of it. He makes bad decisions constantly, do not take meds he was told to take and keep falling back onto drinking excessively which makes things even worst when it comes to making decisions. When we argue, he will twist the story and words to make it as if I’m at fault for everything. He treats me like an unpaid employee and I need to do everything for him!! Even to find a therapist, Doctor, dentist, hair dresser, do all his shopping, returning etc etc just because he needs to do “A THING CALLED WORK”. and when I refuse he will say I got nothing much to do at home anyways and just sits and watch youtube but that’s completely untrue because I do all the housework, cook 3 meals a day and I run all the errands and I’m trying to build a new career. He also micro-manage things that I didn’t even ask for his opinion for and When I say “Please stop! I don’t need a dad, I need a partner” and he’d say things like “It shows that you never had a dad growing up, maybe you need one”. So everything is my problem, and if its his, its still caused by me. His verbally abusive and things he’s clever by twist words.This is ridiculous and I just don’t have much patience anymore. I feel like I’m wasting my time.
If you’re in a relationship where you frequently suspect your partner of cheating on you or hiding things from you. You would definitely need some solid proof to validate them of cheating before taking serious actions in confronting them.